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THE STATUS AND RIGHTS OF A WIFE IN ISLAM
By Mufti Taqi Usmani
We praise Him and seek His help and His
forgiveness and we believe in Him and rely on Him. We seek refuge
with Him from the mischief of our selves and the vices of our deeds.
There is none to lead him astray whom Allah guides and there is none
to guide him whom Allah lets go astray. I bear witness that there is
no God but Allah alone and that He has no partner. I also bear
witness that our master, our authority, and our Prophet and our
master. Muhammad is His servant and His Messenger. May Allah bestow
upon him, his household and his Companions. His mercy and blessings
in abundance. And Almighty Allah said: But consort with them in
kindness. (4:19) You will not be able to deal equally between (your)
wives, however, much you may wish to do so. But turn not altogether
away (from one), leaving her in suspense. If you do good and be
righteous, then surely Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.(4:129)
Importance of the rights of the servants (of Allah) Allamah Nuwawi
(rah) is commencing a discussion of the rights of the servants (of
Allah) in the light of these verses and the traditions of the Holy
Prophet (saws) have already mentioned repeatedly that "the Rights of
the servants are a very important branch of religion. Its importance
lies in the fact that "the Rights of Allah" may be pardoned by
repentance. If God forbid-some negligence ever occurs in the matter
of Allah's rights, it is very easy to remedy this negligence by
means of repentance and seeking Allah's pardon with feelings of
remorse and regret. The negligence can thus be remedied. As for the
rights of the servants, if they are violated, they are not pardoned
by repentance and feelings of remorse and regret and by seeking
pardon, unless the usurped rights are restored to the right-holders
or the latter willingly forgoe their rights in his favour. Therefore
the matter of rights of people is a matter of serious consideration.
Negligence in the matter of the Rights
Serious indeed is the subject of the rights of the servants of
Allah, yet equally serious is the negligence of people towards this
subject in our society. There are only a few aspects of worship that
we have taken as Deen (Faith), e.g. Prayer. Fasting, Hajj, Zakat,
Remembrance, Recitation of the Holy Qur'an, the recital of some
sacred names or words. We regard these items as Deen, but we have
excluded from Deen the Rights of the servants; similarly we have
also ex-eluded from Deen the rights concerning social living. One
who is negligent in the discharge of these rights does not feel that
he is committing any serious offence.
Backbiting is a violation of People's rights
Take a simple example. If a Muslim is addicted (God forbid) to
drinking wine he will be looked down upon by every Muslim who has
even the least touch with the faith and the drunkard himself will
feel ashamed that he is committing a sin. On the other hand a person
who is addicted to backbiting is not hated in the society like the
drunkard, nor does the backbiter himself feels that he is a sinner
or criminal, although both the sins are equally heinous and base.
But no, backbiting is more vicious sin than drinking wine; firstly,
because it comes within the definition of the rights of the servants
and secondly, because Almighty Allah has used for it in the Holy
Qur'an a very horrid similitude the like of which He has not for any
other sin. He has thus said in Surah Al-Hujarat, verse no 12:
And do not spy: nor backbite one another. Would one of you love to
eat the flesh of his dead brother; you would then abhor that.
(49:12)
Thus a backbiter has been compared to one who eats the flesh of his
dead brother. So vicious is this sin! Yet it has become common in
the society. There is hardly an assembly where this sin is not
committed. What is worse, it is not condemned at all as if the faith
has nothing to do with this sin.
'Ihsan is desirable at all times
Hazrat Dr. Muhammad Abdul Hai, may Allah exalt his status, is my
spiritual Guide (Shaikh or Pir). One day he related the following
incident:
A man called on me and told me with gusto of pleasure and pride that
thank God, he had attained the rank of "Ihsan". "Ihsan" is a very
exalted status, as is mentioned in a tradition:
(Sahih Bukhari. the book of belief-chapter Inquiry in Hadith Jibrael
tradition no: 50).
This means that you should worship Almighty Allah, as you are seeing
Allah and if this be not possible worship Him with the belief that
He is seeing you. This is the rank of "Ihsan". That gentleman told
the respected Doctor Sahib that he had attained the rank of "Ihsan"
Hazrat Doctor Sahib congratulated him on the attainment, as it was a
great blessing of Allah and put to him this question: Do you realise
the blessing of "Ihsan" only during the prayers or do you realise it
also during your dealings with your wife and children that Almighty
Allah is seeing you? He replied: What the Tradition says is that
while pray one should feel that one is seeing Allah, or Allah is
seeing him. I thought that "Ihsan" is related with worship only and
not with other activities of life Hazrat Doctor Sahib said to him:
That is why I put this question to you. because it is generally
misunderstood that "Ihsan" is required during prayers, remembrance
or recitation only, although it is required at all times and in all
stages and walks of life. If you are sitting in a shop doing some
business, "Ihsan" is required there also. You should realise in your
heart that Almighty Allah is seeing you. "Ihsan" is also required
when you are dealing with your subordinates. You should feel that
Allah is seeing you even when you are deal-mg with your wife,
children friends and neighbours. This is really what "Ihsan" means.
It is not confined only to prayers and worship.
That woman shall enter Hell
It should be borne in mind very well that the teachings of the Holy
Prophet (saws) cover every branch of life. It is narrated that once
the people inquired from the Holy Prophet (saws) about a woman: O
Prophet of Allah, there is a woman who remains engaged with worship
all day and night. She is mostly busy with optional prayers,
remembrance of Allah and recitation of the Holy Qur'an, she is
always engaged in these acts of devotion. What do you think about
the fate of this woman? The Holy Prophet (saws) asked that Companion
(ra) about her dealings with the neighbours. The Companion (ra)
replied that she did not behave well with the neighbours. The women
of the neighbourhood are not pleased with her. The Holy Prophet
(saws) said: She will enter the Hell. (Bukahn p48. tradition no:
911, chapter Does not trouble his neighbour)
That woman shall enter Paradise
At another time a question was put to the Holy Prophet (saws) about
a woman who did not observe many items of optional worship and
remained contented only with the obligatory and essential duties and
sometimes she performed the Sunnah Muwakkadah (the confirmed
sun-nah) prayer She did not observe the optional prayers, re-memberance,
recitation, etc. more than this. Her dealings with the neighbours
and others were however, amicable. The Holy Prophet (saws) replied:
She will enter the Paradise.
Who is a Pauper?
The Holy Prophet (saws) has explained in these traditions that if
anyone observes optional prayers it is very good, but if he does not
do so he will not be asked in the Hereafter why he did not observe
such and such optional forms of worship. This is because the very
word Nafl (optional) means that if anyone performs this optional
worship, he will receive reward, and if he does not do so, there is
no sin on him- On the other hand the rights of the servants (of
Allah) are something about which the people will be questioned on
the Day of Judgment. The entry into Paradise or Hell depends on the
nature of replies given to these questions.
The Holy Prophet (saws) has explained in a Tradition as to who is a
pauper: he is reported to have said: A person will bring with him on
the Day of Judgment lots of good deeds; but in the world he usurped
someone's rights, spoke ill of someone, injured someone's feelings
and hurt some-ones heart. The result of all this will be that he
will have to pay to others all the good deeds he brought with him
and will have to take upon himself the sins of others while he has
no good deeds left with him to compensate his creditors. The matter
of the rights of the servants (of Allah) is thus a very important
matter in the Shari'ah. (Tirmidhi, chapter on Accounts taking and..
Tradition no: 2533).
The Rights of people are three-fourths of DEEN
It has already been pointed out that if the "Islamic Jurisprudence"
which deals with the injunctions of the Shari'ah is divided into
four equal parts, only one part will be found to deal with matters
relating to worship, and the remaining three parts will be found to
contain injunctions with regard to matters that are related to
people and their life. You may know the name of 'Hidayah' which is a
renowned book of Hanafi juris-prudence in four volumes. The first
volume deals with forms of worship in which problems concerning
Purity (Taharat), Prayer (Salat), Fasting, Zakat and Hajj have been
discussed. The remaining three volumes are concerned with the
subjects dealing with people and their rights, social living and the
rights of the servants (of Allah). It can be easily inferred from
this that the subject of the rights of the servants represents
one-fourth of Deen (Faith). Therefore, a very important chapter is
now commencing. May Almighty Allah help us. by His mercy, to read
and listen to it with a firm mind, to act upon the injunctions. May
He also help us to discharge the rights of the servants (of Allah)
according to His pleasure and will.
The miserable condition of women before Islam.
The first Chapter which Allamah Nuwawi (rah) has included is the
"Chapter of counsels about women", meaning those counsels which the
Holy Prophet (saws) has given about the rights of women. The reason
for allotting this subject in the first chapter of the book is that
the greatest shortcoming and negligence are committed in the matter
of women's rights. During the Days of Ignorance, before the advent
of the Holy Prophet (saws) , women were treated like cattle, devoid
of humanity, deprived of all rights, whatsoever. In those days of
darkness the people did not recognise any rights due to women who
were tolerated in the houses no better than pet animals like goats
and sheep: but the conditions totally changed after the advent of
Islam and under the sacred teachings of the Holy Prophet (saws).
Amicable behaviour with women
At that time the world was unaware of heavenly guidance. It was the
Holy Prophet (saws) who for the first time made the world alive to
the rights due to women whereunder they should be accorded nice
treatment.
At the very out set Allamah Nuwawi (rah) has cited a verse of the
Holy Qur'an that is very comprehensive on this subject: But consort
with them in kindness (4:19)
Almighty Allah has addressed all Muslims, commanding them to behave,
and consort with women in kindness: associate with them in life with
goodwill and sympathy and never give them trouble. This is a general
guidance. This verse is. as it were, the heading and the text of
this chapter. The Holy Prophet (saws) has explained this verse by
his words and practice. He (saws) gave such importance to the need
of showing misbehaviour to women that he is reported to have said in
a Tradition:
The best of you are those who behave well with their women and I am
best of you in behaving well with my women. (Tirmidhi -chapter on
right of a women over her husband. Tradition no: 1172)
The Holy Prophet (saws) attached so much importance to the
protection of the rights of women and ensuring good behaviour with
them that he has explained this matter in many Traditions. The first
Tradition on this subject is one narrated by Hazrat Abu Hurairah (ra)
wherein the Holy Prophet (saws) is reported to have said:
I advise you to wish well for the women. You should accept this
advice of mine.
The Holy Qur'an enunciates only the principles
Before proceeding ahead it is better to advise that the Holy Qur'an
generally gives the basic principles, without going into the minute
details of the issue. This procedure is followed even in describing
the injunctions about the prayer which is such an important pillar
of Deen (Faith) to the estab-lishment of which reference has been
made in the Qur'an at seventy three places. Yet the Holy Qur'an does
not furnish any details about how prayer (salat) is offered, how
many Rak'at should one offer and other injunctions validating or
invalidating the salah. The Quran itself has not detailed these
factors but left it for the Holy Prophet (saws) who taught the
companions these details both by his words and practice. The same is
the case with Zakat which has also been mentioned in the Qur'an
almost at the same number of places. The Qur'an, however, does not
clarify the prescribed value on which Zakat becomes due for payment,
nor it speaks of possessions on which it is leviable. Like the
prayer these details about Zakat were also left for the Holy Prophet
(saws) to explain. Thus it becomes clear that generally the Quran
mentions only the basic principles and does not go into minute
details.
Domestic life is the Foundation of the entire civilisation
The relationship between man and woman and among the members of the
family are so important that the Qur'an has described in clear terms
its minutest details and has spoken in details relating to this
important topic. Thereafter the Holy Prophet (saws) has explained
fully those points. The edifice of the entire human civilisation
stands on the relations between man and woman and on the domestic
life of man. If the relationship between man and woman is sound,
smooth and one discharges the rights of the other, then the affairs
of the household shall run smoothly and the children shall be
brought up on the right lines and this ensures the betterment of
society on which stands the edifice of the social living as a whole.
On the other hand, if the household affairs are mismanaged and there
are differences and disagreements between husband and wife the
children are affected adversely and you may very well imagine about
the standard and character of the nation manifested by such spoilt
and ill mannered children. The rules and regulations governing this
aspect of the society are called family laws or household
regulations. In view of their importance, the Holy Qur'an has dealt
them in details:
Is the woman born of crooked Rib?
The Holy Prophet (saws) has set a nice example for this -an example
that is unique in its effect and import. Some have explained it by
saying that first of all Allah created Hazrat Adam (as), Then He
created Hazrat Hawwa (as) (Eve) from his rib. Some learned men have
said by way of explanation that the Holy Prophet (saws) has compared
a woman to a rib which is crooked to see but its beauty and health
consist in its crookedness. If anyone tries to remove its
crookedness by straightening it. it will break and cease to be a
rib. To restore to its previous state, it will have to be made
crooked then joined together with plaster. The same idea has been
beautifully expressed in a Tradition:
That is. if you want to straighten it, you will only break it.
And if you want to enjoy it you may enjoy it despite its
crookedness.
The Holy Prophet (saws) has, thus set a wise example that its
crookedness is its beauty and health which will be destroyed by
straightening it.
It is not a defect of woman
Some people use this saying against women as being their defect in a
woman. In other words, they say that since a woman has been created
from a crooked rib, so is she crooked in her conduct and character,
by her nature. This is, however, not the meaning of the Tradition of
the Holy Prophet (saws) .
The deviousness of women is natural
It needs to be borne in mind that Almighty Allah has created man and
woman, each with different tendencies and attributes. On account of
this difference between the nature and temperament of the two, man
thinks about a woman that she is opposed to his masculine nature and
sentimentality, although this natural tendency of a woman against a
man's natural bent and tendency is not a defect. It is the natural
requirement of her nature that she should reflect in her character
some innocent crookedness. That is why the Holy Prophet (saws) said:
If you find in a woman something which is against your natural
tendency on account of which you think that she is crooked, do not
condemn her on this account; rather ignore it by thinking that it is
the natural demand of her nature. If you want to straighten her she
will break; if you want to benefit by her you can do so despite her
crookedness.
"Negligence" is a part of beauty in a woman
Today the times have changed: as a result the values have also
changed. A defect in a man is more often looked upon as a point of
virtue and beauty in a woman. If we go through the Holy Qur'an
carefully we shall see what, is generally considered a defect in a
man is considered a point of beauty in a woman. For example, it is a
defect in man to be ignorant and negligent, on account of which he
is unaware of what is happening in the world. A man has been
entrusted with the affairs of the world. To discharge these he needs
learning and awareness. If he is devoid of these qualities and
abilities, he is faulty and defective to this extent. As for a
woman, negligence has been considered by the Qur'an as an item of
beauty for her. Allah has said: Surely, as for those who slander
virtuous, neg ligent believing women1 (24:23)
The word "negligent" meaning that they are unaware of what is
happening around them in the world. The Qur'an has considered here
"negligence" or "unawareness" as an attribute of beauty. It is
obvious from this that if a woman is ignorant of the affairs of the
world, duties, excepted, this is not a defect but an attribute of
beauty as described by the Qur'an.
Do not try to straighten her bent by force
Thus we see a defect in man is not considered a defect in woman and
what is not a defect in man is sometimes looked upon as a defect in
woman. A man is, therefore, not allowed to be harsh to a woman and
misbehave with her if he finds her behaving in her womanly way. The
very meaning of her comparison with a rib is that, by nature, she
should be different in temperament from you. So now do not try to
straighten her by force.
The root cause of the entire conflict
The above is based on a Tradition of the Holy Prophet (saws) Who can
claim to know more about the nature of man and women than the
Prophet of Allah? He diagnosed the root cause of all the conflicts
between man and woman.
Man insists that a woman should be exactly like himself in all her
behaviours. This is not possible as she has been created different
from him.
Be conscious of her good habits
In another tradition of this chapter Hazrat Abu Hurai-rah (ra) has
narrated: (Sahih Muslim-Book of suckling chapter consel about women)
In this Tradition the Holy Prophet (saws)has mentioned a wonderful
principle that a believing man should not hate a believing woman
altogether. In other words, the man should not condemn her totally
on the false plea that she is no good. If she has some undesirable
traits in her conduct she must have in her some desirable traits
also.
The first principle which the Holy Prophet (saws) has taught is that
when two persons live together, some habit of the one is pleasant
and some other habit unpleasant to the other. If the woman has some
unpleasant habit in her, then do not condemn her on account of that
habit altogether, rather look for and remember her pleasant habits
and thank Almighty Allah for them. If you follow this practice it is
quite possible that the hatred in your heart for the dark side of
her conduct and character may gradually lose its severity and
importance.
Man. in fact, is ungrateful. If he finds any defects in her he
totally changes his opinion about the person concerned and forgets
about his good qualities. In view of those few faults and defects,
he is always critical about him and misbehaves with him. Such
attitude is unreasonable.
Everything has virtues and vices in it
There is nothing in the world which is all virtue and all vice.
Almighty Allah has, by His wisdom, endowed everything of His
creation with virtue and vice. You are sure to find some good
qualities in every person, may he be an infidel, an idolater or even
worse.
An English proverb
The Holy Prophet (saws) has said; A word of wisdom is a lost
property of a believer. He must pick it up wherever he finds it. So
there is no harm in picking up a word of wisdom even from an English
Proverb. The proverb said that even a watch which has gone out of
order speaks the truth at least twice every day. Suppose that the
watch stopped at 12 hrs., 5 mts,. As the time 12-5 occurs twice
during the 24 hours, the dead watch shall tell the correct time
twice at 12-5 hrs. although it will remain silent at other times.
The moral we draw from this English proverb is that if one is in
search of goodness with hope and sincerity one can surely find this
goodness even from the most condemned and throw-away objects.
There is nothing bad in the workshop of Nature
My father Mufti Muhammad Shafi Sahib (rah) used to recite frequently
the following Urdu couplet of the late Dr. Muhammad Iqbal: There is
nothing useless in the earth There is nothing bad in the workshop of
nature.
Whatever Almighty has created has created it with His wisdom and by
His will. If you reflect on it you will surely find in Allah's
creation point of Wisdom and benefit. Instead man looks for faults
and short comings only and ignores the good points and bright sides
of things. Thus he becomes pessimistic and commits transgression and
injustice.
Always look for the good qualities of women
Almighty Allah has said in His Book : For if you hate them, it may
happen that you hate a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.
(4:19)
If for some reason you do not like those women whom you have
married, yet it is just possible that Almighty Allah may have
endowed them with much goodness and blessings. Hence this command
that you should look only for the good qualities of women, so that
you may receive solace and comfort from them and thus the doors of
mistrust and misbehaviour may not be opened.
Educative story of A saint
Hazrar Maulana Shah Ashraf Ali Thanawi (rah) has related the story
of a saint who had a very ill mannered and aggressive wife. She
always found faults with her husband.. Whenever the saint entered
his house the wife started quarrelling with him. Someone asked him
why he did not get rid of those daily wrangles and squabbles by
resorting to divorce. The saint replied: it is very easy for me to
divorce her but there is one reason for not doing so. Despite all
her defects, she has one very good quality which prevents me from
parting with her: and that is the quality of loyalty with which
Almighty Allah has adorned her. Supposing I am ar-rested and
imprisoned for some crime, for a term of fifty years, she will not
move even an inch from the comer to which I confine her, and she
will never cast a glance at anyone else. This quality of loyalty is
invaluable.
Mirza Mazhar Jan-e-Jan'an and his over-sensitiveness
Hazrat Mirza Mazhar jan-e-Jan’an (rah) was a renowned saint of the
Indian sub-continent. He was so touchy and over-sensitive in his
temperament that if anyone put the glass on the pitcher in a tilting
position or if he saw his bedding creased he would feel headache,
unfortunately he had to deal with an ill-mannered wife. She was
always murmuring something against her husband. Strange are indeed
the ways whereby Allah tests His servants and raises their ranks.
The wife of this pious saint was an ordeal for him which he
tolerated with patience throughout his lifetime and expected that
Allah may pardon his sins as a recompense for this ordeal.
The women of our society are Nymphs of Paradise
Hakimul Ummat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanawi '(rah)U used to say that
the women of the Indo-Pakistan are like nymphs, because they are
endowed with the qualities of faith and loyalty. Although these
qualities are slowly fading under the impact of the modern Western
civilisation and culture, yet the spirit of loyalty is so
deep-rooted in them that they are always ready to sacrifice their
lives for their husbands in all circumstances, and they can never
cast their glances on anyone other than their husbands. In act the
saint, referred to above demonstrated obedience to he injunction
implied in the following Tradition
If one habit of the woman is unpleasant, there must be some pleasant
habit in her which should be taken into consideration and good
treatment should be meted out to the woman on account of this one
pleasant habit in her.
People generally look at the dark side in the conduct and character
of their women and lose sight of the bright side in them. This
tendency is the root cause of the bitterness prevailing in our
society.
It is immorality to beat one's wife
The third Tradition of this chapter is as under: Bukhari the book of
marriage - It is hateful to beat women tradition no: 5204)
Once the Holy Prophet (saws) delivered a sermon in which he
mentioned many important topics of Islamic behaviour. The following
is the point which he (saws) touched on the subject under
discussion: He said: It is very bad that one of you beats his wife
as a master beats his slave and on the other hand he uses the same
wife to satisfy his sexual desire. Then how immoral and shameless it
is that one should beat one's wife so severely!
Three steps of reforming a wife
As I have already stated, the Holy Qur'an has taken great care to
mention in detail concerning husband-wife relations: The differences
and disagreements between husband and wife start when the husband
feels offended at some action or habit of the wife. The Qur'an
advises that in such a situation the husband should look for some
lovely and pleasant quality in the character and dealings of his
wife. If the husband fails to discover in his wife any such good
points and feels that correction and reform are needed, then the
Holy Quran has prescribed the following course to reform and rectify
it.
As for those (women) from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them
and banish them to beds apart (from yours) and beat them. (4:34)
First or all you should advise them in a lenient and polite manner
and with love to give up their bad habits and reform themselves.
This is the first step of reform. If they respond favourably to
admonition and accept your advice, do not go further and treat the
chapter closed. If this does not help and they insist upon their
misconduct then the second step is to separate your bed and give up
sleeping with them on the same bed. If they have sense, they will
surely reform themselves and act upon advice. (Details of separating
the bed will follow shortly).
Physical punishment to a wife
If the second step of the reform also fails then it will be
necessary to resort to the third step, which is to inflict on the
wife some physical punishment; but what kind of physical punishment
and to what extent? The Holy Prophet (saws) answered these questions
in his sermon on the occasion of his Farewell Hajj in which he said:
(beat them very lightly so as not to injure them). To sum effort
should be made so as to settle matters without the expedient of this
punishment. If it is found unavoidable, it is permitted only with
the condition that it should be very light, the intention being only
to enforce discipline and not to inflict pain and injury. It is not
lawful beating one's wife in a way that should leave a mark on the
body. (A Tradition on this subject follows).
The behaviour of the Holy Prophet (saws)
When the Holy Prophet (saws) passed away from this world he left
behind nine sacred wives (ra) These wives were not angels sent down
from the heaven; they were members of this world and society.
Sometimes, bitterness occurred among them as is usual and natural
among co-wives. Sometimes such problems also arose as usually arise
between husbands and wives. Hazrat Ayesha (ra) has narrated: Not
only did the Holy Prophet (saws) ever raise his hands on any of his
wives, but it was also his habit to enter the house with a smiling
face.
The Prophet's Sunnah (practice)
It is the Sunnah (practice) of the Holy Prophet (saws) that men
should not raise their hands at women (to beat them). The
permissibility of punishing physically is restricted only to
abnormal and unavoidable situations. In fact beating women is not
the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet (saws); his Sun-nah is what Hazrat
Ayesha (ra) has narrated.
A miracle of Dr. Abdul Hai (rah)
Hazrat Dr. Abdul Hai (RAH) my spiritual guide sometimes related to
us, by way of a lesson, that a period of fifty-five years had passed
of his marriage, he never talked to his wife during these fifty five
years in an angry tone. The walking of a man on the surface of the
water and his living in the air is taken as a miracle. It is more
surprising that one should not talk to his wife even in an adverse
tone for as long as fifty five years.
And his respectable wife says that her husband. Dr. Sahib, never
asked her to bring to him a glass of water. She. however, served him
as best as possible of her own sweet will and as a blessed and
virtuous duty.
Tariqat is nothing but public service
Hazrat Dr. Sahib used to say: I consider myself to be a servant whom
Allah has sent to this world for service. This is my belief and with
this belief I want to serve others and depart from this world. I am
duty bound to serve all my friends, acquaintances, associates and
pupils. I was not sent to this world as a master to be served by
others. He considered the position of a servant of people to be an
elevated rank. He then recited the famous persian couplet:
Tariqat (spiritual way) is nothing but public service. It does not
consist in the robes and the prayer-rag and the saintly garments
(signs of godliness).
Tariqat in fact, stands for public service. Dr. Sahib used to say:
When I understood that I am a servant and not a master, how can a
servant order others to do this and that? He spent his entire life
by doing his personal work without the assistance of anyone else.
This is a practical example of how the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet
(saws) should be followed. As for ourselves we do follow the Sunnah
in rituals only. It is necessary to follow the Sunnah in dealings
with others social living and in every mode of leading our private
life.
Verbal claim is not enough
Living according to the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet (saws) is highly
rewarding. Through such living man can smoothen his worldly life as
well as his life in the Hereafter. But this success cannot be
attained only by making empty claims.
Everyone claims to love Laila,, but Laila herself does not
acknowledge their claim).
This is achieved only by means of sincere work and devotion. By his
character, conduct and practice man should ensure that he does not
cause the least harm even to the person with whom he happens to be
on unfriendly terms.
In short, the Holy Prophet (saws) has illustrated, by his own
practice, the THIRD STEP of reforming an errant wife. Throughout his
lifetime he never raised his hands on any one of his sacred wives.
However he was sometimes irritated by their behaviour, but he never
reacted to it. Those who beat their wives are declared the worst men
by the Prophet (saws)
(Tirmidhi book of Tafsir, chapter Surah Taubah 'l'radition no:
3087).
Prophetic Address in the Farewell Pilgrimage
In the above Tradition an extract has been given from the Farewell
address of the Holy Prophet (saws) In this address he (saws)
addressed the assembly of the companions in clear words that after
that year he might not see them at that place. So in this address he
included all those points that he feared that the Ummah might
deviate from the right path, and thus he wanted to leave behind for
the guidance of the Ummah a perfect code of life to be followed. In
this address he (saws) tried to block all the possible paths of
deviation and error.
The address is quite lengthy but different parts of this address
have been stated on different places. This is also a part of it in
which the various aspects of relationship of man and woman has been
discussed. Special stress has been laid on the need that men should
acknowledge the rights of women and honour them. You may realise the
importance of these rights from the fact that he delivered that
sermon on the occasion of the Last Pilgrimage when he (saws)
indirectly informed people that the next year he may not get an
opportunity to address the people. Thus the mutual rights of men and
women are one of the topics which he selected for discussing towards
the close of his life on account of their importance. He wanted his
Ummah to honour and follow the injunctions in all circumstances.
Mutual relations between husband and wife
This shows the importance of husband-wife relations in human life
and how the law-maker the Holy Prophet (saws) himself felt this
importance. If the husband and wife do not discharge each other's
rights properly and, instead, usurp these mutual rights, not only
will this" result in the violation of each other's rights, but it
will also adversely affect both the families as well as the children
whose proper upkeep, development, mental and moral growth will be
affected. As the family is the foundation of the entire
civilisation, with its ruination civilisation is itself ruined. That
is why the Prophet (saws) has laid great stress on the importance of
mutual relation between husband and wife.
Women are in your confinement
Hazrat Umr bin al-Ahwas al-Jashim (rah) has narrated that in the
farewell sermon the Holy Prophet (saws) praised Almighty Allah,
offered counsels and delivered a speech and then said: Beware! I
advise you to do good to women. Accept this advice. This is the
sentence which occurred in the previous Tradition. His next sentence
was : because those women live with you confined in your houses.
The Holy Prophet (saws) has mentioned an attribute of women that if
man reflects over this attribute only, he can never think of
misbehaving with them.
A Lesson from an Ignorant Girl
Our dear Hazrat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanawi (RAH) used to tell his
disciples to learn a lesson from an ignorant, uneducated girl who
surrenders herself to a stranger after uttering at the time of the
Nikah only two words of acceptance. She honours these two words so
solemnly and completely that she leaves her mother, father, brothers
and sisters and the entire family and becomes inseparably tied to
and confined with her husband. An ignorant girl honours these two
words so truly and sincerely that she surrenders herself to one
person, her husband but you could not honour
your pledge of these two words by surrendering yourself to Almighty
Allah. This girl is much better than you. She honoured so completely
her pledge of Nikah, but you did not honour your pledge of the two
words of the article of Faith.
Sacrifices of the woman for your sake
The Holy Prophet (saws) has said in this Tradition, "How tremendous
sacrifice the woman has undergone for your sake. If the matter was
just the reverse and it were said to you, you would have to leave
your family, your parents, after your marriage what an awkward
situation it would be for you. As for the woman she has become
confined to a strange surrounding, a strange house and a strange
person and that, too, for the whole of her life. That is why the
Holy Prophet (saws) said in his tradition: Will you not mind this
sacrifice? Do take heed of this and treat her well and with love.
You have no claim upon them
Thereafter the Holy Prophet (saws) has spoken a very serious
sentence of far-reaching consequences. When the meaning of this
sentence is explained to men they get annoyed. That sentence is:
according to the laws of the Shari ah the only demand you can make
of them is that they should live with you in your house. You have no
other claim upon them
Cooking is not the duty of a wife
From this Tradition the Jurists have deduced a ruling of delicate
nature and which makes men annoyed. The ruling lays down that
according to the Shari ah it is not the re-sponsibility of a woman
to cook food for the household. For this purpose the Jurists have
divided women into two classes. Women of one class are those who do
household work, including cooking food in their parent's houses. The
other class consists of women who do not cook food in their father's
house where cooks are employed for this work. If after marriage a
woman of the latter class goes to her husband's house she is not at
all responsible to cook food, religiously, legally, morally or
otherwise. On the other hand, that wife may ask her husband to hire
a cook for her as man is obliged to provide her with food along with
other necessaries of life. The Jurists write:
It is the responsibility of the husband to provide his wife with
cooked food.
The wife cannot be forced lo cook food neither by force, nor by the
law, because the Holy Prophet (saws) has said in clear words:
You have a right to keep them in your house which it is not lawful
for them to leave without your permission.
With this exception the laws of the Shari ah have imposed no
responsibility on them. However. If she belongs to the first
category the one who used to cook food in her parents' house she too
is not legally responsible to cook food i.e. she cannot be compelled
by law to cook food. However, the responsibility falls on her only
morally. In such a case the husband is responsible only to provide
the food materials. Even then it is not her responsibility to cook
food for the husband and the children. A wife in this class cannot
ask her husband to provide her with cooked food. However, if she
refuses to cook food for her husband and the children, the court
cannot force her to do it. The respected Jurists have explained
these problems at great length.
Serving the In-laws is not obligatory
There is another fact worthy of notice about which much negligence
is observed among the people. When a wife is not responsible to cook
food for her husband and his children, then she is more
appropriately not responsible to cook food for the parents of the
husband and his brothers and sisters. A custom has gained currency
in our society that the parents of the son think that their right
over the daughter-in-law has a priority over the right of the son.
Therefore she is bound to serve them, no matter if she serves her
husband or not. Such a misleading conception gives rise to quarrels
and disputes among the daughter-in-law and other members of the
family. The negative results of this conception are obvious to
require any comments.
To serve In-Laws is a virtue for a woman
Bear in mind well that it is the responsibility of the son to serve
his parents. It is. however, a matter of blessing and virtue for the
daughter-in-law if she serves the parents of her husband willingly,
as a righteous deed and source of reward for her in the Hereafter.
The son does not have any right to force his wife to serve his
parents in case she does not feel inclined to serve them of her own
sweet will. It is also not lawful for the parents to force their
daughter-in-law to serve them. As already mentioned, if the
daughter-in-law voluntarily-decides to serve her in-laws for the
sake of recompense in the Hereafter she is welcome to do so. This
will create happy and pleasant at-mosphere in the household.
Appreciate the services of a daughter-in-law
If a daughter-in-law is serving his father and mother-in-law, she is
doing favour out of her moral character because she is giving this
service to them only of her free will and she is not in any way
liable for such services. Her in-laws should, therefore, appreciate
this voluntary service from her. They should try to requite her for
this and encourage her. Ignorance of these rights and liabilities
create various problems in social life which play havoc to the
solidarity and welfare of families through quarrels and disputes.
All these troubles are taking place simply because the people have
banished from their minds the limits of these mutual rights and
liabilities which the Holy Prophet # has fixed in his Traditions.
A Surprising Incident
Hazrat Dr. Abdul Hai Sahib (RAH) one day related a very wonderful
event. He said that among his acquaintances, there was a couple who
used to visit his assembly and receive spiritual training and
instructions from him. One day both of them invited him to a dinner
at their house. It was the habit of respected Dr. Sahib to utter at
the end of the feast a few words of praise in favour of the lady who
cooked the food just to encourage and please her. The lady who had
prepared the food came and stood behind the curtain and greeted him.
After replying to the greeting Dr. Sahib uttered a few words of
praise and appreciation about the quality and taste of the food and
the art of cooking. Dr. Sahib heard the woman sobbing from behind
the screen. It was disturbing. Was there anything in Dr. Sahib's
words that pinched her? On being asked to state the cause of her
grief and sobbing, she said. "I have been living with my husband for
the last forty two years, but during this long period of association
I never heard from him a word of appreciation about my cooking. When
I heard these words from you sir, I could not control myself from
sobbing".
The respected Dr. Sahib used to relate this story in his assemblies
off and on to emphasize that such callousness can never be expected
from a husband who is able to realize that it is a great favour on
the part of his wife that she is serving him so selflessly and
faithfully of her own sweet will and is doing all this service for
which she has not been made legally responsible by the Shari ah. A
man who thinks that his wife is a maid servant and has to serve him
at any cost, has no need to drop a word of praise and appreciation
if she is an expert cook and sincere worker.
The Husband should serve his parents himself
A question arises as to who should serve the parents when they are
old, weak, or otherwise helpless on account of sickness when there
is none in the house except their son and his wife? Even in such a
situation the daughter-in-law is not bound, according to the Shari
ah to serve her in-laws. It is, however, a matter of blessings and
virtue for her if she serves them of her own free will with the
belief to please Allah and to receive reward in the Hereafter. The
son should, however, realise that it is his responsibility to help
and serve his parents personally or by employing a servant for this
purpose. If the wife is looking his old parents the husband must
appreciate this service and be thankful to her.
Husband's permission for going out
But here is another requirement to note in order to understand the
true position. After knowing only one side of a case and being
ignorant of' the other side people begin to take undue advantage. It
has already been explained in detail that it is not obligator}' for
a wife to cook food, according to the laws of the Shari'ah. In his
Tradition the Holy Prophet 4fc has said that "women remain confined
to your houses like captives". It means that it is not lawful for
them, to go out of the house without the permission of their
husbands. Just as the jurists have explained in detail the issue of
cooking food, in the same way they have also explained in detail
that women cannot leave the house for meeting kinsmen, even their
parents without the permission of their husbands. If the parents
visit the house of their son-in-law to meet their daughter, the
husband cannot prevent them from seeing her. The jurists have
prescribed limits for such casual visits. The parents may visit
their daughter only once a week and go back after seeing her. This
is their daughter's right which a husband cannot deny, yet she
cannot go out of the house without her husband's permission. Thus
Almighty Allah has. in His mercy, created a balance between the
rights and responsibilities of husband and wife. On the one hand the
wife is not legally bound to cook food and. on the other hand, she
is legally bound not to go out of the house without her husband's
permission.
Mutual Co-operation is vital for smooth life
Whatever has been stated above is only the legal side of the matter;
but the beauty of mutual behaviour with each other is that each
should try to please the other. Hazrat Ali (ra) and Hazrat Fatimah
(RA) had distributed the duties of the household between them in
such a way that Hazrat Ali (ra) did all the outdoor wok, while
Hazrat Fatimah (ra) performed the indoor work. This is exactly the
Sunnah (practice) of the Holy Prophet (saws) which should be
followed. Husband and wife should not always involve themselves in
the implications of the law. The best way is that both should behave
with each other open-heartedly. The division of work between husband
and wife on outdoor and indoor basis is a natural division to enable
them both to keep the vehicle of life going smoothly.
If she commits the immodesty
If these women commit open lewdness, that lewd-ness cannot be
tolerated in any case. In such a situation they should be dealt with
according to the injunction laid down by the Holy
Qur'an. First of all they should be admonished, then, if they
insist-on their sin. let their bed be separated. If they still do
not accept the admonition and continue in their lewdness, then it is
permitted to inflict them with light beating which should not cause
any injury. If they refrain from the lewdness and mend their ways,
then one should not find fault with them, but they should be let
off. without further pinching them.
Beware! These women have rights over you that you behave with them
well. Be generous in discharging your obligations in the matter of
providing them with clothes, food and their other needs. This does
not mean that you should meet only their basic needs: you are
expected to be generous and liberal in supplying their lawful needs.
Pocket money for a wife
Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanawi (rah) has dealt in his guiding sermons
with some topics with special emphasis. I intend to reproduce two or
three of these in this discourse, as they are generally overlooked
by the people. Firstly, the liabilities about a wife does not mean
that she should be provided only with food and clothes. It is also a
part of this cost that she should be paid a suitable amount as
pocket expenses in addition to the cost of living, making her free
to spend this additional amount as she likes. There are persons who
arrange for food and clothes but do not care for pocket expenses.
Hazrat Thanawi has said that payment of some amount as pocket money
is also necessary, because there are many items when a person feels
ashamed to disclose to other that she needs a certain thing. The
wife should, therefore, must have some extra amount as pocket money
so that she may not seek other means to satisfy her needs. Hazrat
Thanawi (RAH) has warned that those who do not provide pocket money
to their wives are blamable.
Being generous for Family
Another point to note is that one should be generous and liberal in
spending money on the needs of the household. One must not limit
expenses to basic needs. One should provide money with a generous
hand so that the expenses of the household may be met with ease and
freedom according to the financial means of the house-keeper. Some
people complain that, on the one hand, there is stress that one
should not be extravagant and at the same time there are
instructions not to be miser in spending money on the household. A
question now arises as to what is the line of demarcation between
the two. What is extravagance and what is not extravagance?
Simple or comfortable accommodation both are lawful
To remove this confusion Hazrat Thanawi (RAH) has said: that
accommodations are of two kinds, a place which is just enough to
accommodate the members of the family. It may be an ordinary hut. it
is possible for a man to live some how even in such structures. This
is lawful in the first degree. The second kind is that the house
should provide living accommodation as well as a reasonable degree
of comforts. For example, the house should be concrete-built,
equipped with fans and electric lights. If a person provides this
service in his house in order to make life easy and comfortable,
this cannot be regarded as extravagance.
Decoration is also lawful
In the third degree, along with means of comfort a house should also
have some decoration. For example, a man has a concrete built house
with plastered walls, electricity and fans, but it has no paint on
it. Even an unpainted house like this is fit for living, but without
white-washing and proper painting it lacks in decoration. If the
house owner gets the house colour washed and painted for the sake of
decoration this too is lawful in the laws of the
Shari ah.
In short to live in an ordinary house is lawful, it is also lawful
to live in a house provided with certain comforts and amenities as
well as some decoration. Decoration here means some additional
improvement made in the house, like painting, etc, which is pleasing
to the eyes and cheering to the heart. There is no harm in this and
is permissible in the Shari ah.
Show off is not lawful
Then follows the fourth degree which is mere "Show off. The
house-owner is doing something which aims neither at comfort, nor at
decoration; the aim is to show his riches. Thereby he wants to
impose his superiority on others and to show that he is a big thing.
All this comes within the definition of "Show off which is not
lawful in the laws of the Shari ah. It is also extravagance.
The limits of extravagance
These four categories also apply to food and clothes, and in all
other things of life. A man wears costly clothes in order to receive
comfort, to please himself and the members of his household and his
acquaintances, friends and visitors, there is no harm. On the other
hand there is a person who wears valuable clothes with the intention
that he may be considered a rich and wealthy man, a man of exalted
position in society, then this is mere exhibition and show and
therefore it is prohibited. Hazrat Thanawi has therefore drawn a
clear line of demarcation between the two extremes. If money is
spent on something for the sake of meeting a necessity, providing
comfort or for decoration for his own pleasure and satisfaction, it
is not extravagance.
This is not Extravagance
Once it so happened that I was coming back to Karachi from some
other city, and it was the hot summer season. I requested someone to
have my seat booked in an air-conditioned coach and I gave him the
required amount of money. Another man who was sitting nearby at once
objected to this because in his opinion I was committing
extravagance by sitting in an air-conditioned coach. Many people are
under the wrong impression that to travel in a higher class is
extrava-eance. Bear in mind that if traveling in an upper class is
for comfort, e.g.. to save oneself from heat in the summer season,
and the man can afford it. It is neither extravagance nor a sin. If
one travels in an upper class simply to show that he is rich, then
it is extravagance and it is unlawful.
The husband should therefore, keep in mind these degrees in meeting
the cost of living of his wife with generosity and liberality.
Capacity differs from man to man, Maulana Maseehullah Khan Sahib
once observed: There is a man who is all alone in this world,
without relatives, without friends and without acquaintances. For
such a man a bed, a dish and a jug are sufficient to pass his life.
If he collects more articles, it will mean a show and will be
reckoned as extravagance in his case. There is a man who receives
guests, has a large circle of acquaintances and friends, and has
many relatives. The standard of his needs and extent of requirements
will be quite different. If such a man has in his house at limes
even one hundred sets of pots and beddings, not a single piece of
this will be counted as extravagance, because all these are
necessities of life. The standard of life differs from man to man.
Where to search Allah
Hazrat Ibrahim bin Adham (rah) was once a great Ruler but he
renounced the world in search of Allah. There are some people who
seek from his life arguments to prove their stand. The story runs as
follows: One night Hazrat Ibrahim bin Adahm saw a man walking about
on the roof of the palace. Hazrat Ibrahim bin Adham caught him and
asked him what he was doing on the roof of the palace. The man
replied: I have come here to search my lost camel. Hazrat Ibrahim
bin Adham said: Stupid fellow! Are you searching your camel on the
roof at this hour of night? How can you find the camel here? The man
asked with some surprise: Can I not find the camel here?
Hazrat Ibrahim bin Adham answered: certainly not! How can you find
the camel on the roof of the palace? The man then retorted: If the
camel cannot be found in this palace and the man who is searching
the camel in this palace is a fool, how can you find Allah while
staying in this palace? If I am a fool you are a greater fool than
me. This answer of the stranger shocked the heart of Hazrat Adham J.
He at once relinquished his kingdom and took his way to the jungle.
He took with him only a bowl and a pillow, so that he might eat food
and drink water from the bowl and use the pillow while lying down on
the ground. After walking some distance he saw a man drinking water
from the river with his palms cupped together. He saw that he could
also drink water in that way, so he threw away the bowl and resumed
his journey. After walking some distance he saw that a man was
sleeping on the ground with his hand placed under the head to serve
for a pillow. He felt that he could very well do without the pillow
so he threw it away, too.
Emotions should not be followed
After listening to this story some people may misunderstand that
keeping a bowl and a pillow is also extravagance. May Allah exalt
the rank of Hazrat Thanawi who has at his credit of separating right
from wrong and wheat from chaff. He has advised that none should
compare himself with those of Hazrat Ibrahim bin Adahm. Firstly,
because the change that had come over him was due to an ecstatic
state of rapture. A man in this condition should not be followed,
because the man so overwhelmed goes out of himself and loses his
normal consistency of thought and feeling. We are not, therefore, to
follow in the footsteps of Hazrat Ibrahim bin Adham because he was
not at his normal when he decided to leave the palace. Besides such
renunciation of worldly relation is not permissible in Islam
generally. It would mean that Allah cannot be found in palaces.
Moderate way in spending money
The requirements of one man is different from that of other. The
standard of spending also differs from man to man. The standards of
a man with low income, and of a man with a moderate income or a man
with a high income are different from one another. The liberality in
spending of each person should, therefore be proportionate to his
income. It should not happen that the husband is a man of moderate
means and his wife is asking for items of comforts and luxuries
which she. sees in the houses of rich men that her husband cannot
afford. Demand for such articles of luxury is not lawful. The
husband should however, try to meet the demands of his wife as far
as possible within his means and should not be niggardly towards his
wife.
The rights of the wives over husbands?
(Abu Dawud. the Book of Marriage-chapter on the Right of the wife
over her husband. Tradition no 2142)
Hazrat Muawiyah bin-Hidah (ra)) has narrated that he asked the Holy
Prophet (saws) O Prophet of Allah what are the rights of our wives
over us?
The Holy Prophet (saws) said: when you take food, feed her also and
when you wear clothes, provide her also with clothes to wear. Do not
beat her on the face, nor curse her. Do not part with her but only
within the (bounds of the) house.
Leave sleeping with her as punishment
As has already been explained, if you ever observe in the wife some
lewdness, try first to admonish her. If she does not mind your
admonition, then leave her bedding, and sleep on a separate bed.
Leaving the bed does not imply that you should go out of the house:
you should separate your bedding while remaining in the house. You
may. however, change the room by way of a psychological punishment
and as a sort of protest, and thus keep yourself aloof from her for
some days.
A proper way of separation
The learned jurists have explained the meaning of this Tradition
also by advising that on such occasions her bed may be separated,
but the talking terms should not be terminated totally. The
separation should not be so strict as not to offer salutations to
each other from time to time and not to return the greeting if one
bids it, nor to avoid answering important questions. A separation of
this kind is not lawful.
Wife's permission for a long period journey
While explaining this Tradition the learned Jurists have gone to the
extent of saying that it is not lawful for the husband to leave the
house for more than four months without the permission and pleasure
of his wife. As such. Hazrat Umar (ra) had promulgated this order
throughout his empire that the freedom-fighters who take part in
Jihad should not remain away from their homes for more than four
months. The jurists have, therefore, deduced that if anyone is going
on a journey for a period not exceeding four months, it is not
necessary for him to obtain his wife's permission. If the journey
takes longer than four months, it is essential for him to obtain his
wife's permission, no matter how desirable that journey may be. This
ruling is applicable to the journey for the Hajj (Pilgrimages). If
the pilgrim returns from the journey within four months no
permission from his wife is necessary, but if he prolongs his stay
in the Holy city beyond four months the wife's permission must be
taken. This ruling is also applicable to journeys undertaken for
Tabligh, Da wah and Jihad. If the wife's permission is necessary for
such blessed journeys then her permission will all the more be
necessary for a journey undertaken for the sake of employment,
business, etc. If journeys exceeding four months are taken without
the wife's permission it will be a violation of her rights and.
therefore, unlawful in the laws of the Shah ah.
Who are the Best People?
(Tirmidhi Book of Suckling. Chapter on the rights of a wife over her
husband tradition no: 1162)
Hazrat Abu Hurairah (ra) has narrated that the Holy Prophet (saws)
said: The most accomplished of the believers in respect of Iman
(Faith) is one who is the best of them in conduct and character. The
more refined a man is in behaviour and character, the more
accomplished he is in Iman (Faith). Perfect Iman, therefore, demands
that a man should behave and deal with others politely. The best of
you are those who are the best in their behaviour and dealings with
their wives and women.
The meaning of "Good Character" in the modern age
We see that in our days the meanings of things have greatly changed
and the values of all things have been reversed. Hazrat Maulana Qari
Muhammad Tayyib Sahib of Deoband used to say: As compared with the
past everything has turned upside-down in the present age. For
example, in the olden days there was darkness beneath the lamp and
now there is darkness above the bulb. Today values have changed and
so has changed the import of everything, so much so that even the
meaning of character has undergone a total change. Today only some
outer acts and expressions of modern etiquettes are regarded as
tokens of good character. For example, it is regarded sign of good
character to meet someone with a smiling face or to utter formal
pleasing words. I am very glad to see you, it is pleasing to meet
you. etc. while the heat of enmity, jealousy and hatred is burning
in the hearts. Today this way of behaviours has been named good
behaviour and character. It has been recognised as an art, how to
deal with others so as to make them impressed with our
personalities. Books are being written today on the art of winning
over sympathies of others. All energies are being utilised to
achieve this aim: Do all that is possible to get others attracted by
your superficial personality. This is called "character". Bear in
mind well that all this formal show has nothing to do with high
morality which the Holy Prophet(saws) has enjoined upon his
followers. This is a mere hypocrisy ostentation, a trick to attract
others to one's own personality. This is nothing but love for
honour, fame and regard and this desire, in itself, is a disease and
immorality. This has nothing to do with Islamic concept of morality.
Morality is a quality of the Heart
Morals are in fact a particular state of the heart which find
expression in the movements of the limbs and the organs. The heart
should be filled with the feeling of welfare for the creation of
Allah and love for them, irrespective of what they are, friends
foes, believers or unbelievers. One should remain alive to the fact
that every being on the earth is a creation of His Master. Allah.
This originates a kind of love for all in one's heart. This
conception, in turn, generates good actions and deeds, and then man
does good to others. Now the smile shining on ones face on account
of this feeling is not artificial, nor is it displayed to arrest
public attention: it rather springs up from the heart as a result of
heart-felt longing and emotion. Thus, there is a world of difference
between the morals taught by the Holy Prophet £fe and the artificial
and superficial show of morals in modern society.
How to acquire High Morals?
Only reading books or listening to lectures is not enough to attaint
the standard of the desired degree of morals. For this purpose it is
imperative to seek the company of some spiritual reformer and guide.
The order of Tasawwuf (Mysticism) and the system of becoming a
disciple of a spiritual Guide (Piri-Muridi) has been handed down
from the past men of Allah. It aims at inculcating in high morals
and eliminating the germs of immorality from a man. Anyway, the most
accomplished in the realm of Iman (Faith) are those individuals who
posses high morals, whose hearts generate right motives and these
right motives are reflected in their acts and deeds. May Allah admit
us all into the company qf these perfect personalities Aameen.
Do not beat the Maids of Allah
(Abu Dawud. Book of Marriage, chapter on healing women Tradition no:
2146)
Hazrat Iyas bin Abdullah (ra) has narrated that the Holy Prophet
(saws), while delivering a sermon said: Do not beat the maids of
Allah, because beating women is not desirable. When the Holy Prophet
(saws) prohibits something, the act becomes totally unlawful for one
who heard the prohibition direct from the Holy Prophet (saws). Now
it is not lawful for him in any circumstances to beat women.
Two kinds of Holy Traditions
It may be noted carefully that there is a category of Traditions
which we hear from someone or read in the books. They reach us
through a long chain of authorities: giving us the names of the
reporters in ascending order carrying to the Holy Prophet (saws).
The Traditions of this category are called Zanni because they reach
us through a channel of reporters. It is obligatory to act upon the
injunctions con-tained in such Traditions; and deviating from this
is a sin. Traditions which the Companions (RA) heard direct from the
Holy Prophet (saws) are not Zanni (conjectural), but are Oat-i
(confirmed). If any one denies such Traditions, not only will he be
a sinner, but he will also become an unbeliever. According to the
juristic ruling the denier of an order of the Holy Prophet (saws),
at once turns to be an infidel.
Sometimes we entertain the foolish desire in our hearts to have
lived at the blessed time of the Holy Prophet to reap the virtues
and blessings of that blessed time. We should remember that whatever
Almighty Allah does, He does it in His infinite wisdom and it is He
who has raised us in this later age. If He had raised us in the time
of the Holy Prophet (saws), who knows what would have happened to
us. There is no guarantee that we would not have fallen into the
dare ditch of ignorance.? May Allah save us. The question of Iman in
those days was a very delicate issue. A slight turn from the right
path could change the destiny of man.
The devotion with which the sacred Companions (ra) of the Holy
Prophet (saws) rallied round him was exclusively their distinction.
It was due to this that they reached the unique rank. Allah alone
knows what would have been the fate of our selfish far-seeing and
ease-loving persons as we are. It is indeed a great favour of
Almighty Allah that He saved us from ruin and raised us up in an age
in which we enjoy many facilities. We are in an age in which we have
Zanni Traditions. If anyone denies it he will only be a sinner and
not an unbeliever. As regards the sacred Companions, (RA) if anyone
of them heard some Tradition from the Holy Prophet (saws), and
denied it he Would instantly become an unbeliever. May Allah save us
from such a fate.
The Audacity of the women
When the Holy Prophet (saws) ordered the Companions (ra) not to beat
their women, this punishment was totally suspended. It was not
possible for the Companions to continue an act which the Holy
Prophet (saws) had forbidden them to do. Thus when the Practice of
beating women ceased then after some time Hazrat Umar called on the
Holy Prophet (saws)and said:
O Prophet of Allah (saws).these women have now become lions (i.e.
fearless and bold) with their husbands, because you have stopped us
from beating them. Now none beats his wife, nor does he ever
threaten her with that. That is why they have become fearless, are
violating their husbands' rights, and are misbehaving with them. So
what . are we to do now?
Then the Holy Prophet (saws), permitted them to beat their wives, if
they violate their rights and when beating was unavoidable. Only a
few days after the restoration of the order of beating, the women
began to approach the Holy Prophet (saws) and complained to him
(saws) that their husbands were taking undue advantage from the
permission of beating and were beating them severely.
They are not good men
Mentioning his own name, the Holy Prophet (saws) said: Many women
are repeatedly visiting the house of Muhammad (saws) complaining
against their husbands' misbeha- viour with them that they severely
beat them. You should note it very carefully that those who resort
to this beating are not good men.
It is not the work of good believers to beat their Wives. The Holy
Prophet (saws) made it quite clear to the gathering that permission
was given to beat their wives as the last alternative only in
unavoidable circumstances and subject to the condition that the
beating should be light, so as not to cause injury and leave its
mark on the body. Despite this, it is the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet
(saws) and also his sincere desire that no man should raise his hand
to beat a woman. The mothers of the believers have narrated that the
Holy Prophet S& never raised his hands at any woman. Therefore, this
is what the sunnah demands.
The Best thing in the world is a "virtuous Woman"
(Sahih Muslim. Book of suckling, chapter-the best object of the
world, a virtuous woman)
Hazrat Abdullah bin Amr bin Al Aas has narrated that the Holy
Prophet (saws) said: This world as a whole is an enjoyment, profit
and advantage. The Almighty Allah has said in the Holy Qur'an:
It is Allah who has created whatever there is in the world for your
benefit, enjoyment and for meeting your needs. (Ai-Baqarah; 29)
The best of all these objects is a virtuous woman created for your
service and enjoyment. The Holy Prophet (saws) has said in another
Tradition:
(Kanzul-Umwal, Tradition no 18913)
Of all the things of your earth there are three things that are
dearest to me: (Here note the Phrase "Your earth" as he (saws) said
about his approach this world in these works) viz.. a woman, scent,
and the coolness of my eyes lies in the prayer. Thus the foremost
among the blessing of the world are these things. In another place
he (saws) said:
(Tirmidhi. the Book of Abstinence. Tradition no: 2378)
What have I to do with the world? I am like a rider who takes rest
for a short time under the shade of a tree, then he sets off,
leaving behind that tree.
Seek refuge from a bad woman
In-short one of the three desirable gifts is a virtuous woman,
because the Holy Prophet (saws) has sought refuge from bad woman.
O Allah! I seek refuge from that woman who will make me old before I
attain the old age. I also seek refuge from a child who proves to be
a trial in the Hereafter. May Allah save us from them. Aamen So if
you are in search of a woman for yourself or for one of your
children, try to find out one who is religious, virtuous and
righteous. If God-forbid she is not righteous, then she may prove a
distress. If a man is lucky enough to get a virtuous wife, he should
value her, and should never degrade her. To value her means that you
should fulfill her rights and behave with her nicely.
May Almighty Allah assist us in acting upon these injunctions. ameen
Taken from Discourses on Islamic Way of Life. VOL II |
